Day 2: Faith

I went to an art therapy class today. It was originally a story, but I was so intrigued by the idea of it that I was excited to be part of the class. The instructor was a Reiki master/teacher and when she had us balance our chakras, she had movements and descriptions that were new for me. It was a cool experience.
The idea was after meditating, balancing chakras, writing intentions, you create art. The ultimate goal of the class was self forgiveness. It's something I am working on now.
I took a long time creating my art, which ended up being a painting of my human self and my higher self that you could see through a doorway. I am not a literal artist, so it was kinda like a childlike drawing, but it was what it was.
When I left, I put the painting on the floor of my passenger's seat because I was eating lunch and did not want to get food on the painting. The problem was that when Joey got in the car, I forgot to move it and there was a big smear over the painting from his boots. I was mad...more mad that I should have been since I did not really like the painting that much.
I was thinking while driving home that I did not have any idea what I was going to do with it. Maybe I would paint over it and create something new. But, there was a section of it that had a bunch of layers of paint.
Maybe I would give it away. But, who would want it? Maybe I would frame it and you might not notice the smear.
All this was on my mind when I stopped at the oasis on the way home. The day before, Joey chose to buy a plastic ring from one of those coin machines. Nate chose candy, but was upset about not having chosen a ring cause he did not have one. So, I told him if he was good, when we passed it on the way home, we would stop and buy him one.
So, I pulled off into the oasis and got out of the car. Suddenly, this guy comes up to me with a gas can asking for a couple bucks to help him and his sister.
I have taken a self-defense class before. I pulled my kids close to me and started walking toward the building, even as I pulled $2 out of my wallet for the guy. He was probably harmless, I decided later on that he must be. But better safe than sorry.
We went in, bought the ring came back outside and got in the car. As Nate was getting on his belt (which always takes forever), I saw that guy getting into his car. It was a much older model, really beat up. He had a woman in the car with him and I was pretty sure that this guy genuinely was trying to get somewhere and had run out of money. I did not have any money left, but suddenly, the painting came to mind.
I pulled up next to his car and rolled down my window. He had to open his door cause his window did not work. I handed him the painting, saying I did not have much money, but I had this painting and maybe they could sell it.
He took it.
It made me think on the way home that I understand the emotions an artist goes through when selling a painting. I di dnot particularly like the painting, but I still felt an attachment to it. I put a lot of energy into it. But, I have a picture of it the class instructor took.
I hope that the energy I put into the painting brough that man and his sister blessings. I hope the energy keeps them safe. I hope it gets them to their destination. And, maybe they can sell it and get some money for it. Or, maybe they will decide they like it and keep it and when they get to where they are going, they will hang it up.
My reason for calling this faith is because I had to have faith. I had to believe that I can forgive myself. I had to believe before begining this experiment the first time that giving gifts would make a difference in my life. I had to believe on day 2 of round two that the man approaching me at the oasis really needed help. I had to believe giving away my painting was a better choice that keeping it.
I had to have faith.

Round II, Day 1: Appetite for Adventure

I took a couple days off before beginning round two of gifts. I think my brain hurt. And I think I was overthinking the whole thing.
So, for day one of round two, I am concentrating on making life an adventure.
Today, on the way to my grandma's house, the boys and I did something I have been promising for a while. We had lunch at an oasis.
Now, we were only traveling from Channahon to Westchester, but there is something about an oasis that always makes me think of a road trip. I am pretty sure that is just a thing for me because, as a kid, we went to Boston every summer. Every year, my grandmother, mom and I would pile in the giant car she drove back then and hit the road. EARLY. Like, before 5 a.m. I was not a morning person then and I am not now. There were always oasis(es). So, it makes me think of the good childhood memories.
For, my kids, though, there is not a lot of that reference. We have gone on little vacations, but no major road trips...yet.
So, for them, it was just eating dinner...but it was eating dinner above the highway. Sitting on the barstools. Watching the traffic drive under us.
They thought it was pretty cool. And, it did not hurt that they got to play a couple claw games when we got there either.
I got additional amusement as I sat there and people watched. I assumed the other people there were traveling. There were some families with small kids, dressed in pajamas. There was also what looked like a small busload of high school students.
But, then, I was not traveling, not really. And, yet, Nate was there, dressed in Pokemon pajamas. (this is the kid who often will not change out of his superman or spiderman pajama shirt). So, they probably assumed the same about me.
It led me to think about Jeri Palmer, a woman whose story I told while she was in Hospice and after she passed away. She said her mother told her that you should always be nice to people, even if they are not nice to you, because you never know what they have going on in their lives.
We make a lot of assumptions about people. Sometimes, we are right. Sometimes we are wrong.
I wasn't on a cross country trip, but I was taking my kids to see their grandparents. I wasn't on a vacation. But, I was on an adventure.
D

Dec. 28: Free, but meaningful

I covered a retreat today for a paper. I love these kind of assignments, cause I get to jump right into the fun the ladies are having, take advantage of some relaxation and usually learn a thing or two. Today, I did jump in for a short massage, which, while nice, was not nearly enough to relax my posture. Those of you who know me well know that I have muscles that need a hammer to get through to.
Anyway, I also was lucky enough to get a manicure today. And my nails do look amazing, especially considering I have been biting the hell out of them lately.
The lady doing my manicure was not sure what was in her lotion, so she used the one I had grabbed a free sample of upstairs so I knew there was nothing in it that would irritate my skin. You would be amazed at the amount of lotions that contain nut oil (and just as a shout-out for Dulci, red dye 40 too).
I told her they were giving away samples upstairs because she was commenting that it was a nice lotion because it was thick.
She said she was going to try to get upstairs and grab some.
I've been a vendor before at these kinds of events. You rarely have time to run and grab free samples from other tables. You have to stay where you. And, when you finally do have time, they usually run out of whatever they were giving away.
With that in mind, I went back to the table later, grabbed a sample for her and brought it downstairs.
It did not cost me anything. It was just a nice gesture.
Today is day 28. Tomorrow would be the last day for me. I don't think I am stopping, though. I have a lot of work to do to shift my former living-in-the-negative energy to my future Thank you-thank you- thank you energy.
I have a plan for tomorrow.
But, more than that, I have a plan to keep going.
Besides, I owe a good friend of mine a statue of a virgin.
Blessings

Feb 25: The gift of youth

I was covering a school board meeting last month and while the board was debating something I was not interested in, I was inspired. I was watching these poor kids who are in middle school, which for me was the worst time of my life. I watched as they cheered louder for some students as their names were callled - for student of the month, or for cheerleading or for soccer - and less loudly for others. I began to think about what we think about when we are young. The world is hopeful, sometimes even if life at home is not. We think about how we are going to grow up and change the world. So, I began writing, not a story about the school board at all, but, rather, lyrics to a song.
The original song is L.A. Song by Beth Hart. You can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrZw8RToN2Y Here are my inspired lyrics:

She was a girl, just a girl
With her eyes on the sky and her heart in the world
She didn't know, She didn't know
She thought it didn't matter which way she would go
So she walked and she walked, she walked and she walked
She walked so much her shoes fell apart
Be she kept on, she kept on, kept on, she kept on
Pressed through the dusk and the night and the dawn

She thinks, Man, I wanna grow up and leave home
man I wanna grow up was her plea
man I wanna grow up and leave home
wanna grow up and wanna be free

She fell in love, she fell in love,
And while it was staggering, it wasn't enough
She couldn't see, she couldn't see
She couldn't hear a thing beyond her own glea
So she sang and she sang, she sang and she sang,
She sang so much she might go insane
then she cried and she cried, she cried and she cried
for the birds in the branches echoed her pain

She thinks, Man, I wanna grow up and leave home
man I wanna grow up was her plea
man I wanna grow up and leave home
wanna grow up and wanna be free

It's all she saw
it's all she knew
It's what she knew to do
Life's wonder-filled
When you're a girl
There's hope in all the world

So she took a step, she took a step
She moved so far forward, she nearly leapt
She looked ahead, she looked ahead
She knew she would go where she was led
So she grew and she grew, she grew and she grew
She hoped so much she made it through
She was blessed, she was blessed, was blessed, she was blessed
So much so she forgot all the rest

It's all she saw
It's all she knew
It's what she knew to do
Life's wonder-filled
When you're a girl
There's hope in all the world

She said, Man I'm gonna grow up and leave home
Man, I'm gonna live, breathe and play
man I'm gonna grow up and leave home
she walked outta her youth and into today

Day 20: To remain a mystery

I have given away many gifts in the past 19 days. Most of the time, I knew the person I was giving a gift to. There were a couple strangers, and that was very rewarding, but I usually talked myself out of giving to strangers. I was worried that they might think I was stalking them and call the cops or something. In fact, I talked myself out of putting a flower on a stranger's car once because I was worried they would think they had a stalker...someday I am going to put a bunch of flowers on a bunch of cars in the same lot in the hopes I can avoid this problem.
Today, though, I gave a gift to a person who is a friend of a friend and who is going through a transition in her life. I do not know her and have never met her.
The idea for this gift came while I was at a Reiki share, so I would like to think it was divinely inspired.
Over the years, I have bought a number of stone charms that have attributes to help with specific challenges in my life. One was an ametrine, an amethyst stone that is turning into a citrine. Since it is naturally occurring, it is a stone already in transition itself.
The stone is supposed to give the wearer protection and strength.
When I gave this to our mutual friend, I did not specify that they say it came from me. I just wanted her to have the gift. If she thought it came from the person delivering it, that was fine. That was just something I was adding to my strengths - giving with no recognition in return.
I hope she at least thinks the stone is pretty. But, stones don't really give us power, they remind us to find our own. So, I hope she finds her own strength...
And to you all, Joy...Joy and Magic.
D

Day 18: Finnegan, begin again

I am sure that I gave away many gifts in the past three days. Problem is, only one stands out in my mind. For those of you who have been following this experiment, you will remember that I spent Sunday helping my mom clean out her bedroom and left exhausted. Maybe that's why I cannot remember anything specific, save for one...
Yesterday, when the snow was falling pretty well, I had an appointment in Joliet. On the way into the building, the Fed Ex man held the door for me.
"Thanks," I said.
"Oh and drive safely."
The only reason it stands out in my mind is because he seemed so surprized about me wishing him safe travels.
The author of 29 Gifts says when you think you have missed a day, you most asssuredly gave away gifts during the day and you just have to think about what those were.
So, that's where I am at for day 17 at least.
Nonetheless, it is a new day. I am sure I will undertake something exciting today. Day 18: new beginnings.

Day 15: Sometimes a gift really isn't

I was at my mom's on Sunday. Many of you know that she uses a wheelchair. What she really uses is some sort of stubborn combination of a wheelchair and walker. When I helped her clean out her bedroom a week ago, we managed to get rid of five or so bags of clothes that no longer fit her. I put her remaining sweaters and sweatshirts in her hopechest and was able to get rid of the rubbermaid that was holding the excess.
Turns out, however unsafe, my mother balanced herself on the rubbermaid when getting into bed.
So, I told her we would clear a path on the other side of the bed, which was wider, so she could use her walker or wheelchair to get into the bed.
On Sunday, I took on that task. I would have called it a gift, and I guess the result is the same, but when I left her house, I was so drained that I was just angry.
Both of my parents are horders. It kinda runs in my family. And the problem is compounded by the fact that my mom uses a wheelchair and cannot, necessarily get to the things she wants to throw away.
Having said all that, though, I know my hours and hours of work on Sunday will only last so long until the room is back to the mess I found it in.
It's frustrating.
So, my mom got a clear path to her bed. But, by the time I was done, it was not given in the giving spirit...I may have to add a day or two to the end of this experiment to make up for these kind of days.
Blessings

Day 14: One is silver and the other gold

You know how sometimes you can be in a store and see something that you know would be just perfect for someone in your life? It happens to me a lot. I don't know if it's because I like to shop or because,for the most part, my closest friends have very distinct style. But, I do know when I see something like that, I usually buy it and hang onto it for the next event in that person's life.
Truth be told, I love giving gifts.
Now that I am giving things away every day, I don't have to wait for the next occassion.
When I was helping my mom clean out her hopechest, I took a couple things I found. But there were two things that I looked at and immedietly saw my friend Jill. The first was a small evening bag, but it just had a style that fit her. I wasn't so excited about that, though.
My friend Jill, whom I have been friends with since we were sophmores in high school (I'm not saying when that was, you guys figure it out), is one of those people with very distinct style. She also loves to cook. And she's very good at it.
So, when I pulled a navy blue apron with oversized flowers and red gingham on it out of the hopechest, I knew I was giving it to Jill.
Short of a small period in my life when we lost touch, Jill and I have always been friends. When we were younger, she started dating a good friend of mine and she ended up marrying him. I was usually the third wheel when we were younger and she and Mark were forever trying to set me up with their friends. But, they never made me feel like I was imposing.
Back then, we pissed and moaned about boyfriends (ok I pissed and moaned, she was in love hehe), did dangerous things during study hall and dreamed about our futures. In mine, I was a famous Broadway actress. In hers, she was a faboo hairstylist. She is a faboo hairstylist. And I am locally famous, though not for Broadway. But, there is still time for me to be nationally famous :-).
Nowadays, the things we worry about are more serious. We are older with families and children. We worry that our kids will be the ones doing the dangerous things we did.
But, we still remain friends. And I know if I needed anything, she would be right there. And I hope she knows that I would be too.
It's funny, sometimes, to know that you have friends who have been around for so much of your life. They know the things you did when you were younger that you were proud of, the things you did that you were ashamed of and the things you did for the wrong reasons.
High School is tough (though not nearly as tough as grade school). Sometimes it's good to have someone in your life who remembers who you were then and can remind you of the person you wanted to be.
Your dreams can change, but you should never give up on them.
I am lucky enough to have lots of friends in my life now who knew me then. I was lucky enough to marry one of them. And I am lucky enough to have other friends who knew me in grade school, when I was even more awkward and unsure of myself than in high school. And some of them, I know, still have my back, even after all these years.
So, remember your friends today. You don't have to give them an apron. Give then a hug instead, even if it is across the miles.

Day 12: Energy begins to shift

I told many of you in the post from yesterday (which I posted today) that when I left my friend's house on Wednesday, she gave me a gift. I had heard this was a blessed side effect to shifting your energy into giving. The girl who wrote the book "29 Gifts" talks about how people give her gifts every day now.
Today's gift, which technically was not my gift, but one I get to benefit from, was a prize in a contest. Carl won a contest from B96 today and the prize was an XBox. So, now our technologically advanced family has a Wii, an Xbox, a Ds, internet, and computers to play games to stimulate our minds, our bodies, or just let us relax. We are blessed.
I have been giving nearly at the halfway point now. I need to take some time to think about my gift for tomorrow, but the one for Saturday is already decided...I think it will be a ton of fun. Stay tuned...
Blessings,
D

Day 11: Skipping to sharing

I know, I know, I skipped posting on day 10. I am sure I gave away gifts that day. In fact, I gave away a coupon organizer to a friend of mine who owns her own business to organize her reciepts for taxes.
I guess I just was not inspired to write.
On day 11 (which I know was yesterday) I gave a tarot card reading to a good friend of mine.
I have been reading tarot for more than 10 years and I teach a class on it on Friday nights at JJC (sign up, there is still space!)
Anyway, the one big thing I have learned about tarot is that you never read someone's tarot without learning something about yourself or your own life.
It's kinda like that with gift-giving, even if you are being as unselfish as possible, as one of my friends said, you still gain when you give.
So, I gave on Wednesday. And I recieved on Wednesday. In fact, when I went to leave my friend's house, she gave me a gift, a beautiful, purple scarf with a celtic symbol on it.
A day of gifts indeed.

Day 9: It's only fitting

Today is day 9. In numerology, the number nine is the number of meditation and harmony. It is also the period of years when the voice of God is heard by a person if this person did not understand yet one of his lessons of life.
I got a text earlier this weekend that a friend of mine was having a meditation night tonight. I was not sure if I was going to go. But, when I got home, I was still feeling blech about my grandmother and the situation our family finds itself in. I was not in the moment, I was preoccupied. Carl was off tonight, so I could go to the meditation if I wanted.
So, I did. And that was a great decision. While there, I thought and I felt and I talked and I stayed silent. I heard other people’s opinions and I shared my own.
I have spent a long time not understanding the lessons of my life…but maybe today is my year nine.
One of the things I shared is that maybe what people consider God is simply everyone who has ever been and who will ever be co-creating. What we see as reality is simply our reality.
Tonight my reality was letting go of some unserving energy. It was allowing a little bit more positive into my life.
But, the most important thing was to take time to quietly process how I was feeling. To take out the emotion and turn it around in my hand. To look at it and examine it, but not to judge it…to let it go.
Happy Day 9….tomorrow (10) is a 1 in numerology. Let’s welcome our new beginnings.